At the beginning of September, I wrote asking if readers had questions for Anthony, the man who murdered my dad, or myself. And there was, in fact, one question posed by Mark Alman (for each of us). I sent the question to Anthony, and His response (as well as mine) can be found below. ~ For Anthony: “I have been thinking a lot about pain recently and how pain drives us to do wrong things. I believe in my life my most egregious sins were driven by pain. I wonder if you felt that yours were as well?” – Mark Anthony’s response: Yes, Mark. In my life, as well, my worst sin was driven by pain. Men tend to manifest hurt into anger. I think it’s programmed into us! When the Holy Spirit comes into us, we also receive His blessings, or fruit––love, peace, patience, etc––but when we get hurt and…
Archive for the ‘Sin’ Category
After a long, exhausting weekend, I decided to turn in early. Yet as my head hit the pillow, thoughts began to running away from me. After hearing some news about our adoption––news that most likely won’t negatively impact our adoption at all––I began to think. And what you must understand about me is that I’ve always been a “thinker.” I analyze and reason through everything. This can be a good thing. But sometimes, I have a tendency to think too much, which can lead me down some pretty dark alleys. And that’s precisely what happened this night. An hour passed, full of thought and cries out to God, when I realized I needed help. I needed wisdom. And I needed someone else to pray alongside me for clarity about our adoption. So, I texted my girlfriend and said, Ok. I need some help. Feeling super discouraged about our adoption. Maybe…
Will God fail me? I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all asked this question––either consciously or unconsciously––at one time or another. In fact, it may be this very question that underlies our inability to give ourselves fully to God and His purposes in our lives. We think, perhaps God doesn’t love me. Perhaps God is too busy or too majestic to care about one individual such as myself. Or even if He does love me, even if He cares, He certainly doesn’t care about each intricate detail of my life. Will God pull through? Doubts come. Questions arise. All of which are a part of the normal process of faith. But I think the real question behind all our doubts is: Does God really love me? This is the real doubt behind our unwillingness to surrender. It all comes back to love. We were created to be loved and to love others….
Early on in my walk with God, I was told that the Bible says that we’re sinners. Logically then, I thought, this would infer that I sin. It was a novel concept to me. Really, it was. Up to this point, I never really thought about sin, and I certainly never thought I was a sinner or that I needed anything, let alone the help of a supposed God that could very well be the figment of someone’s imagination. Truly, I was blind to the ways of God. One day, after attending church for several weeks, however, I prayed. God, I said feeling a bit foolish, if I have any sins, show me. And boy did He deliver! I went from self-loving and self-idolizing (even though I was in a very bad place at the time) to self-loathing in no time at all. Once stripped of all deception, I began to see…
Forgiveness––true Biblical forgiveness––requires that we have encountered and experienced the risen God. [Tweet that] It requires a changed heart. Truly, prior to forgiving one another, we need to understand and receive the forgiveness of God. For, we cannot give something we have yet to receive, and we cannot receive apart from understanding. [Tweet that] As I’m sure you know, the term Gospel––which refers to the work of Christ––literally means “good news.” I’ve heard many pastors say that in order for there to be good news something bad would have to be true. And until we understand the bad news, we cannot fully grasp how good the good news is. [Tweet that] This is why we all must come to understand who we are apart from Jesus. We need to understand just how sinful we are so that the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf––and consequently, the forgiveness He made possible––can be understood…
Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children. – Deuteronomy 4:9 Anthony claimed he was a Christian at the time of the murder, and I had a real problem with this. As a non-Christian and even after coming to Christ, I didn’t understand how someone who professed faith in Jesus could do something like this. Doesn’t a sin of this magnitude disqualify you from being a Christian? You can’t claim to be a Christian and commit murder, I thought. Recently, however, when telling me about a book he was reading by Kyle Idleman called Not a Fan, Anthony said, “I wonder, had I not come to prison would I have stayed a fan of Jesus or become a follower?…