{Lessons Learned} Watch Yourself or Can a Christian Commit Murder?

Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children. – Deuteronomy 4:9

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Anthony claimed he was a Christian at the time of the murder, and I had a real problem with this. As a non-Christian and even after coming to Christ, I didn’t understand how someone who professed faith in Jesus could do something like this. Doesn’t a sin of this magnitude disqualify you from being a Christian?

You can’t claim to be a Christian and commit murder, I thought.

Recently, however, when telling me about a book he was reading by Kyle Idleman called Not a Fan, Anthony said,

“I wonder, had I not come to prison would I have stayed a fan of Jesus or become a follower? I knew Him. I went to Bible studies. I read my Bible daily, but I didn’t let him into every dark corner of my heart. I was not a follower. Now, I truly follow Him. But this book is an eye-opener.”

Anthony went to church faithfully before he committed the murder. As he said, he went to Bible studies. He read his Bible daily. He knew Jesus.

When I began to correspond with Anthony, I met with my pastor and asked him, “Is it possible for a Christian to commit murder?”

My pastor’s response? Absolutely. It is possible.

I wrestled with this issue for quite some time, but ultimately I saw that my pastor was right. One profound example of this can be found in the story of David. David was chosen, used mightily, and was called a man after God’s own heart both before and after he had Bathsheba’s husband killed. David was in a covenantal relationship with God––the equivalent of being a Christ follower today––yet he sinned greatly.

Now, I don’t know whether or not Anthony’s relationship with Jesus was authentic when he killed my dad, but it could have been. And honestly, this truth scares me, as it should all of us.

We must guard our hearts. 

You see, we’re all prone to folly. We’re all prone to sin. And sin can creep in before we know it.

In one of my letters to Anthony, I said, “…you still cultivated the emotions and feeling that lead you astray. You still allowed your soul to be poisoned with hatred which ultimately lead to your actions.”

In response, Anthony said:

I may have cultivated the emotions that led me to be poisoned. But not hate, anger yes but I didn’t hate your dad. I did not go over to your dads house to kill him, to threaten and scare, yes. But having that anger in my heart opened me up to the possibility of something bad and as we know bad happened. – Anthony, November 2010

All throughout the book of Deuteronomy, God tells us to watch ourselves. Over and over again He says, “Take care, lest your heart be deceived” (Deuteronomy 11:16), “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 8:11), “Take care, lest you forget the covenant of the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 4:23).

1 Peter 5:8 tells us to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” Paul exhorts Timothy to “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:16).

Considering Anthony’s testimony and reading through each of these scriptures, this much is clear: we must guard our hearts to assure we don’t cultivate an environment for sin to grow. For, we can be led astray quickly.

{Guard your heart. Don’t allow sin to creep in.} [tweet that]

Question: What are your thoughts? How do you guard your heart or keep watch on yourself? Share in the comments

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

{Lessons Learned} Get Over That Hurdle

But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries. – 1 Corinthians 16:8-9

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The door shut. I was presented with a significant hurdle.

Lord, I thought You wanted me to bring Anthony a Bible, I prayed. How can I bring him a Bible if I can’t visit him?

I held the letter from the warden I received that afternoon. He denied my application to visit Anthony, the man who murdered my dad. Still, I knew what I knew.

I knew Jesus called me to forgive Anthony.

I knew Jesus called me to love Anthony, my enemy.

I knew Jesus called me to have contact with Anthony.

Of these things, I was sure.

What I didn’t know was how it would play out, now that I couldn’t go see him.

Every journey Jesus calls us on is coupled with resistance and difficulty. Roadblocks and hurdles are sure to come. At first glance, it seems these obstructions indicate we’re on the wrong path. But, rest assured. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not God’s will.

In fact, the greatest endeavors we’re called to will most likely be the most difficult things we do. [Tweet that]

What I didn’t know when I received the denial letter from the warden is that the path Jesus forged for me to take would look far different than the one I imagined it to be. But it was this path that led both Anthony and I to a place of deep healing and forgiveness which was  not possible any other way, and I am unbelievable thankful Jesus allowed that hurdle to be placed in my way.

Oftentimes, God places circumstances to steer us onto the path He has for us. But don’t allow these difficulties to derail you. With prayerful consideration, you must choose to press forth and get over that hurdle.

Blessings await you on the other side.

{Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not God’s will.}

What hurdles have you had to overcome along the way?

Join the discussion! Leave a comment.

To read more about the warden’s denial read When Doors Shut.

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

Will You Press Through to Get Into the Presence of God?

There is an account found in three out of the four gospels. It is the story of a woman who endured a discharge of blood for twelve years. One thing we must understand is that a condition such as this rendered the woman “unclean.” She would have been a lonely woman, devoid of touch or much companionship at all.

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Come with me for a moment and imagine….

You are this woman.

You cannot touch others, and others cannot touch you. You’re outcasted. Desperate, you spend all your financial resources going to doctors. One after another. But they’re no help. Instead of seeing improvement, you only worsen.

Can you relate to this woman in any way?

Quite possibly, in some area of your life, you need help. You seek help––help that promises a solution to your problem––only to find yourself right where you began, or perhaps even behind a step or two.

Another solution is presented to you.

You find enough hope to take that step. You join another program or see another doctor which will hopefully lead you toward health, wholeness, satisfaction (whatever it is for you). But a few months later, you’re, once again, right where you began.

But then there’s news of this guy. He sounds pretty awesome. Perhaps He can help me, you think. There’s talk around your village that He’s passing through.

If only, you think.

If only you could see Him. Touch Him.

No. Your hope is greater than that.

This guy, some say, is the One. If only you could touch the edge of His garment. Then. Perhaps then, you would be healed. You would be free of this burden weighing heavy upon your shoulders.

You go out and see Him pass by.

Hope fills your heart like never before, and you know. All you need is Him.

But there’s a crowd. A large one, pressing in all around. How will you ever manage to get through?

You’ll have to press in all the more.

But along the way, you touch others––making them unclean––as you strive to reach your goal. And then, you’re there.

You see Him.

Reach out.

And touch the edge, just the edge, of His garment.

In an instant, you know. You’ve been healed. You feel it, and you’re filled with joy and relief.

But then, the Man turns around. “Who was it that touched me?” the man asks.

“It wasn’t me,” you join the crowd in saying.

“Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you.” A men explains.

“Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.”

Knowing you won’t be hidden for long, you come forward. Trembling and falling down before Him, you explain your condition and tell of your healing. You’re afraid, for you have just done what ought not to be done. You touched others. But ultimately, you touched Him.

You look up, anticipating rebuke, but are met with compassion instead. ”Your faith has made you well; go in peace,” He says.

Oftentimes, we fail to see Jesus as the answer. But ultimately, it’s not what He can do for us that we need most. We seek Him for our needs, and He invites us to do so, but ultimately we are most in need of His presence. We need Him. It was His presence that made this woman well.

Coming to Jesus doesn’t mean He will heal all our diseases. It doesn’t mean our lives will become easy. Sometimes, by His providence, He allows certain conditions to remain. But coming to Jesus––into His presence––daily does mean we will be right where we ought to be. And from this place, all other things fall into place.

When coming to Jesus, you must be aware, however, that there will be hinderances, but my question to you today is this: Will you press through to get into the presence of God?

If you do, you will find yourself right where you ought to be.

{Press through. Jesus is your only hope. Your only salvation.}

What’s hindering you from coming into the presence of God today? Share in the comments.

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

{Video Blog} You Are Loved and Accepted Right Here, Right Now

{Yes, you are a sinner. But you are not accepted based upon your works––good or bad––but based upon the works of Jesus.}

Any thoughts?

Leave a comment!

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

The Battle We Wage

If you’re completely honest with yourself, there is tension between who you want to be and who you currently are. [Tweet that]

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The whole world currently exists in the already but not yet.

Jesus already came. He died for our sins. He resurrected, conquering death, sin, and Satan. We have already been redeemed by our gracious, loving God. But we have yet to see Him make all things new, which He will do upon His second coming.

We have already been saved but not yet perfected. We are already saints by identity but not yet by deed.

This can be a frustrating place to be.

In Romans, Paul, himself, experienced this tension. He says:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate….  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing…. For I delight in the law of God,in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  - Romans 7:15, 18-19, 22-24

It’s a battle each of us wage. The battle between our flesh and our new nature imparted to us by the blood of Jesus.

In my last post, I addressed the fact that we all are like the prostitute depicted in Luke 7 whether we recognize it or not. [Tweet that] Our sins are great. Not small. Our offense against our Creator loom large before us, whether we see them or not. But what amazes me (and should amaze you as well) is the fact that if we are covered by the blood of Jesus God doesn’t see our sins. He doesn’t see our record, but instead, He sees Jesus’, which is why we now have the right to come before the throne, dirty hands and all.

When Jesus died on that cross, He took every sin I have ever committed and every sin I will commit upon Himself, and in exchange, I was given Jesus’ righteousness. Despite my many, many, many shortcomings, despite my sin, despite my continual propensity to turn to other things before I turn to my God, I am loved and accepted right where I am. [Tweet that]

And you are too!

{You are loved and accepted by God right where you are.}

Do you believe this? Do you believe you are loved and accepted despite your many failings?

Share in the comments.

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

Knowing God is the End Goal

A few weeks ago, the Holy Spirit challenged me with this: Have I been seeking God for what He can do for me or do I simply want Him? Ouch.

Well, I think you can imagine what my answer was at the time. But it wasn’t always this way. When I was first saved (and for quite a while after) I was on fire for Jesus. I was seeking Him to know Him better. I was learning much about the character of God. I would pick up my Bible and simply devour every word, much like a novel you just can’t seem to put down. I couldn’t get enough of Him. I was thirsty. Thirsty for His Word. Thirsty for Him.

He took me through some rough seasons. Taught me things beyond me. Things that blew my mind. He poured His grace upon my life. Allowed me to forgive the unforgivable and witness His power and glory like I never thought possible.

Then, He called me to write, to share, and to declare His mighty works to the world. And I think I got all wrapped up in what He was calling me to that I somehow lost my way.

So quickly, we can go from seeing the glory of God and seeking Him out of a heart of adoration and a child-like love to seeking Him and worshiping Him because of what He does and can do for us.

It’s usually, but not always, a subtle distinction but honestly, my prayer life began looking more like this, empower me, help me, heal me, change me, sanctify me… Now these aren’t bad prayers in and of themselves, but it was my self-centered heart that shifted my focus away from where it should have been.

The difficult question I began to ask myself was this: Who is at the center of my life. To which I had to face the ugly reality that the answer was me. Not Jesus.

Today, I stand corrected. I refuse to be the center of my own existence. I refuse to allow my to-do list to be at the center of my relationship with God and treat God like an assistant instead of the only source of my existence.

But most importantly, I choose to seek God for Him. He is the end goal. Knowing and loving Him more and more each day. Spending time in silence and solitude to cultivate the intimate relationship we were all created for. This is where I want to be, and it is my prayer that you will join me there today.

{Knowing God is the end goal.}

I’ll ask you the same question that was posed to me: Have you been seeking God for what He can do for you or do you simply want Him?

Leave a comment!

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

Simply Be a Child of God

And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. – 1 Samuel 12:21

Have you ever gotten so caught up in doing that you forget to simply be in the presence of God?

Over the last 10 months, I have been going… and going… and going. I have been doing. All good things. All with good intentions (or at least as good each of our intentions can be, in this fallen flesh). But still, I have been doing. Writing. Sharing the Word. Caring for those around me.

But then I hear God’s gentle whisper. What about Me? Where do I fit in all of this? Don’t forget. You are My child before anything else. 

And so, I take a step back. Take a deep breath. And let out a heavy sigh.

I am a Child of God.

How could I have forgotten?

I have been praying. Praying for the Lord to draw me near as I look toward Him. Praying for intimacy with the only One who can satisfy. Praying for grace.

Today, this is where I am, but I know I won’t stay here. For, the Lord is faithful. I don’t think He’s calling me to quit. But instead, He’s calling me into deeper relationship. So, this is where I choose to go first. To the throne of my Heavenly Father to simply be His daughter.

Won’t you join me there?

Let your mercy come to me, that I may live. – Psalm 119:77

{Don’t forget. You are a child of God before anything else.}

Have you ever been in this place?

Leave a comment!

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.

I Can’t Quit People {Guest Blog}

It is my honor, today, to introduce you all to Lee Merrill, and amazing woman of God who lives life to the encouragement of others and to the glory of God. Much wisdom can be gleaned from her guest blog today. Enjoy!

 

I Can’t Quit People

By Lee Merrill

Sometimes, I feel like I’m two separate people stuck in one me.

There’s the one who wants Jesus to be everything. She drinks in God’s presence and truth the way a thoroughbred drinks water after the race of its life.

Then, there’s the one who can’t get enough people praise. She strives and strains for “Atta girls” the way a house pet begs for tidbits from the table.

I totally get Paul’s lament in Romans because I could have written it myself.

I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? (Romans 7:17-24 MSG)

Sometimes, the battle of my two selves gets the best of me and tempts me to withdraw from both God and people. The same shame that compelled Adam and Eve to hide from God in the garden pulls me away from God, the One who holds my hope.

But I can’t quit God. His Spirit is intertwined with mine in a love knot too tight to undo.

Shame sneers. You’ll never change. Everything good you do is poisoned by your pathetic yearning for approval. Quit loving. Quit serving. Quit writing. Quit trying.

But I can’t quit people.

I live in a cluttered home with a husband and three sons. God’s gifts to me.

I teach junior high students with special needs, alongside dozens of colleagues. God’s gifts to me.

I do life with a few hundred beautiful, imperfect Believers at a church down the road. God’s gifts to me.

I connect with hundreds of truth seekers through my blog, social media, and writer’s conferences. God’s gifts to me.

So the battle continues.

Each time my craving for human approval gets into begging mode below my table filled with God’s gifts, I ask God to satisfy my soul with good things—God things (Psalm 103:5). I fight the urge to hide my struggle from God, as if I could if I tried. Only when I lay myself bare can he clothe me with righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). I enlist help from people who love me enough to call me out on my crud, for “wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Proverbs 27:6 NIV).

Lord, I’m no quitter. I refuse to let shame steal my hope or the flesh and bone gifts You keep handing to my heart. Purify my heart, my mind, and my motives. Empower me to starve my craving for the approval of people and to feed and water my craving for more and more of Your presence and power in my life. All for Your glory and my good, I pray, AMEN.

A Southern magnolia transplanted in the Arizona desert, Lee Merrill (LeeBird) likes to call herself a full-time encourager. Whether she’s teaching junior high kids with special needs at her day job or penning prayer gifts on her blog at night, Lee is all about motivating herself and others to fly!

Her biggest fans are her husband, Cliff, and their three sons, Garrett, Logan, and Jacob. They share a cluttered but happy home with two Shihtzus and a bearded dragon named Charlie.

Get to know Lee by subscribing to her blog, friending her on Facebook, liking her Facebook ministry page, or following her on Twitter.

Let’s fly!

To read more about my journey toward forgiveness, read Freedom Through Grace or {Redemption} Your Testimony May Have Saved a Life.