I was following Jesus into the unknown––into my scary places. Places I did not want to go. He was calling me to walk on the water with Him––to do things I did not want to do––but I knew those very things would bring me to the place He intended, a place of blessing. Still, I was scared. It was hard, laying myself down like that. Ridiculously hard.
I knew my God. I knew who He is. I knew His heart toward me. And I knew where I’d end up if I followed, but what I did not know is what that narrow rocky road would look like along the way, and quite honestly that scared me.
“I feel like I’m falling apart,” I wrote in my prayer journal, sometime during this season. “[The girls and I] have been sick, my emotions are all over the board, I feel weighed down by a weight that is oh so heavy…. I’ve been crying for no reason. I feel exhausted.” Obviously, I was an absolute mess. The road had gotten hard, and through the dark clouds of my storms, I was unable to see a time when I’d come through to the other side. To see if or when this unbearable spiritual attack would come to an end.
“Mommy, do you like it hard or easy?” I heard one of my daughters ask from the backseat of our car the day I wrote the journal entry. The question came out of nowhere. We had not been talking about anything that could have provoked her little four year old mind to ask me that question, and so I knew this question was asked not by her, but by Jesus.
And I knew what He was asking. I knew He wanted to realign my thinking with His. He was reminding me of the goal He had set before me, and in that moment, I decided to choose God’s way over my own. Truth be told, I wanted the easy way, but instead of trying to write my own story, I responded to my daughter, saying, “I like it hard, my love,” as I fought back tears, “because that’s when we’re making the biggest impact for the Kingdom of God.” But sometimes it’s just so hard, I thought.
Moment’s later, I heard my other daughter yell, “Look at the rainbow, Mommy!” And there it was. The biggest, brightest rainbow arcing in the distance.
“Thank you,” I whispered to my God.
This narrow, hard road that leads to life can most certainly be difficult sometimes, but in the most trailsome moments, don’t forget to remember that this road we’re on leads to LIFE! This road is THE road.
After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with Him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that You are the Holy One of God.” – John 6:66-69
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