With permission, I’ve decided to anonymously share some of the correspondence I’ve had with readers about their struggles with anxiety and/or depression over the coming weeks. I think some of you may be able to relate with these individuals who are currently battling fear and darkness, and it is my hope that you find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this. And I also thought my responses may be of some use to you as well.
To those readers who aren’t struggling in this area, I’d like to encourage you to hang in there with me for a few more weeks! I’ll be back writing as I had before long. Thank you for patiently waiting this topic out!
Laurie were you confident of your relationship with God when u went thru depression? I ask for a good reason. I may have another question depending on your answer i hope u don’t mind. Believe me the thoughts i have are really bad. I wont share them, they are so bad.
Not when it started. I wasn’t a christian when it all began but became one at that time. It’s what drew me to God to begin with.
I fell and its been real hard thats why i asked, did u start renewing you mind before you encountered Christ. Something is keeping me from receiving from him and its so disheartening, my mind battles…. i know so much of the word, but because i fell, the thought that its head knowledge causes me to struggle, cause i know he has to help me, i dont know if u havr talked to anyone that has gone thru that but i know one moment in his presence would change it all. I dont want to waste my life. I have prayed and cried so much. Ty for answering my email
A few days later, I received another email:
Hi laurie, i read your post on depression, it spoke so deeply to me, i walked close with God til a few months ago, now the depths of this pit and the pain is so deep ive become numb, if it werent for God speaking thru outside sources, two days ago i thought God was finished w me, then he spoke thru someone that didnt know it was for me, so for two days i felt hope and knew God was working, ive been trying so hard to get back to him, seems i jus dont know, i feel like hes trying to help me, but idk why im not getting it, i know things have changed so much i was so close to him and ministering to so many, if it were not for God using things like ur post to speak to me, i would have left my family by now, i want my life back, i got two kids i have tried to raise to stand firm in faith, im ashamed of myself, i cant lead them, i need God to help me, but something is really wrong w my heart.
Stay the path!! Don’t give in to the temptation to run away. I get that too and I felt like such a terrible person for wanting to just leave everything behind. I was so blessed to have a wonderful husband and two amazing little girls but I just felt so detached. It saddens me to think back to that. If I had left, my life would be terrible now. Satan wants to deceive us into thinking that of we just fled it would all be okay but it won’t. Your place is with your children. Period. It’s ok if you’re not leading them well right now. Just do what you can and pray for God to pick up your slack and he will. He’s got you! And he’s got your kids! Just press in!!!
And don’t be ashamed. God is not ashamed of you and neither should you be!! You are loved an precious in his eyes!! Believe truth about who you are and how God sees you. You are his. He has not left you. He’s right there, even if you can’t feel him!!
Breaking the stronghold on the mind is hard, but it isnt something i can do alone, it is by His spirit, so im doing all i know and praying he will strengthen my faith and inner man again. I know that the truth can set me free, which is Jesus, if i can overcome this and get into his presence my life will never be the same. It is overcoming im working on, only HE can deliver me. When and how idk. But i know i have found alot of people go through mental distress, something i never knew, as bad as it is to say for me right now in this place, im praying for others who are going thru this, i want out of this and i dont ever want to go through this again.
I want back in my father’s presence. Some say thats impossible, i dont think so. I think i jus have to get there,i refuse to believe that i cant have wat he has. If i went by feelings id have no hope, and since i refuse that or anything else that does not bring peace, I have to trust he will deliver me. He is more than able, let me get my heart right, thats my prayer, let me get what God needs to line up in me, no matter how long ive been here, im going to take up my mat and walk. I have to tell myself that, i have to until it manifest in the spirit. He is the giver if life, i may not be pleasing to him right now, but he is God.
Oh but you ARE pleasing to Him right now!!!! The very fact that you’re pressing in, reminding yourself of His truth, and resting purposely in the hope we have in him is amazing!! He is pleased.
I dont feel he is pleased with me, i grieved his spirit and i could hear his voice throughout the day, i didnt realize how much until i went through this battle, i feel like ive tried so hard to repent, but for some reason cant seem to recieve his presence, its like if i could jus hear him and share with him the way it was or more so, he used to lead me so much in everything i did. Please dont post this one. Ty. I know it has to be me i think, i read where so many were rejected by God cause they did not listen, so the mind goes from building myself up to wondering if and when he will free me, and then to your just not repenting, im in the flesh, God didnt call me to walk in flesh, he says those who worship him, worship in spirit and truth. So something needs to change. I think to much, but nowhere like i did in the middle of this battle. Ive learned how valuable it is to listen to God, ty for responding, i told him i wasnt going to talk to anyone but him about this any more, but but of your responses have been good.
I think satan may have you in a trap. This doesn’t sound like Jesus to me. Our God is slow to anger and quick to forgive. Jesus died for you. He forgave all your sins. Turning to him and asking for forgiveness is all you need to do! Jesus did the rest. So we don’t have to work our way back to God. That’s like saying what Jesus did wasn’t enough but it is! He said “it is finished.” Jesus finished it for us! All we need to do is receive. Satan wants is to believe we can never do enough to get back to God. That God is not with us when we we don’t feel him but he’s always with us. Jesus said “behold I am with you always until the end of the age.” We need to simply believe he’s there even when we don’t feel it. Start looking for him in your everyday life and you will see him!!
I know its a trap, but i think its my faith, my mind was in such a war that it was like thousand of thoughts flying at me, from unworthyness to failure n defeat to all kinds of ungodly thoughts, i think i need a revelation of Gods love for me again. Like a knowing deep in my heart, i really think that will change it all, but i also know i would feel his spirit and the anointing and hear him. It wasnt jus scripture, i knew it was him giving me scripture, not jus thinking it. He gave me visions that came to pass, i know im doubting, but idk how to change it without having a deep witness in my spirit, may i ask u, it doesnt matter but what is your religion. I know the spirit is speaking thru you. I can sense it
I am also evangelical too. I wont stop seeking him and i think u r right, u have shed some light. I was on fire for him, and i want my zeal back, i have to get myself out of his way, i do need to take him at his word, i couldnt even read it for awhile without feeling judged, im looking past that, i have to cause his live is what will bring me thru. I just don’t want to be passive and think that believing the word is enough cause i know it is his spirit that brings life….