I was a wreck.
“I’ve spent my entire life trying to achieve and set goals for myself,” I told my husband, Travis, “and I’ve hinged all happiness on the achievement of those goals only to continuously fall short of true happiness. It’s like there’s this emptiness inside, but I don’t know how to make it go away!”
I felt empty, defeated, depressed, and anxious. And I had no answers. It was a very dark place. Over and over I kept saying, I just want to feel peace. I just want peace. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t save myself. [Tweet that]
Blind and Paralyzed
Then, I had a dream.
I dreamt I became blind and paralyzed. And when I awoke I was perplexed and greatly disturbed. I didn’t know what it meant. Perhaps it means nothing, I tried to convince myself. But still, I couldn’t shake it.
Yet, it wasn’t just the dream. There were all these terrible feelings that had flooded my mind a few months before. And they all came so suddenly.
The darkness. The emptiness. The pain. The confusion. The helplessness. The hopelessness. Feeling distant and unconnected with those I most loved. Feeling disconnected with life itself.
It threatened to pull me under.
Brokenness Leads to Life
I became desperate. And it was this desperation that led me to those church doors for the first time.
While sitting in church, Jesus spoke. And I was stunned. That’s not possible, I thought.
But then grace was given.
My eyes began to open.
Paralysis, the inability to do anything apart from my Creator, gave way as I became indwelled by the Holy Spirit.
Truly, Jesus gives sight to the blind.
It was as if Jesus’ proverbial spit had touched my eyes, and I began to see clearly for the first time. All my “worldly” wisdom shattered when confronted by God’s Word. [Tweet that] All my “truths” were shown to be fallacies. Deceptions. Lies. [Tweet that]
All I thought to be true was not, and this trickled down into how I viewed my dad’s death as well. When called to love and forgive Anthony, the man who murdered my dad, I knew I wasn’t seeing as I ought. I knew my perspective was skewed by my biases, by my anger, by my loss. So, I began to pray to see as I ought. To be given new eyes to see the situation new, through the lens of the Gospel. Not as an embittered murder victim’s daughter, but as one transformed by grace.
And Jesus delivered.
Over time, my sight became more and more clear as grace washed over my mind. Grace allowed me to see, for the first time, my life and my difficult past new. I was freed by truth, as my “truths” were revealed for what they were––lies.
Yet, for all the work God has done, I realize I am still prone to deception.
Really, we all are.
And I understand that I still have blind spots, which honestly, scares me a bit. But I also know that we are loved by a God who is faithful to give sight to the blind. I believe it is always God’s desire to reveal truth to us. We simply need to be willing to see. [Tweet that]
This is why it is so important to be in community. To be surrounded by other followers of Christ who can lovingly, gently show us our blind spots and aid us to see as we ought.
Proverbs 27:6 tells us “Faithful are the wounds of a friend,” for a true friend goes there. A biblical friend shows us our folly in love with the intent of keeping us on that narrow, difficult path leading to life.
Yet, receiving a rebuke can be difficult, to say the least. Humility, however, is the key to a life well lived. [Tweet that] If we remain humble, allowing others to speak honestly into our lives, we are sure to see the favor of God. And we will retain our sight.
In that day the deaf shall hear the words of a book, and out of their gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind shall see. – Isaiah 29:18