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{Lessons Learned} I Am Not a Victim

Posted on: June 18th, 2013 by Laurie Coombs 9 Comments

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I never intended to be a victim.

Shortly after my dad was murdered, my family and I were referred to the victim services department at the courthouse. It was the first time we were called victims. But honestly, I didn’t consider myself to be the victim.

My dad was the victim.

But somehow, I think the victim thing crept in, and my dad’s death became the defining moment of my life. I didn’t want to be defined by this tragedy, but I was.

I became the girl whose dad was murdered. I hated being this person. I hated being a murder victim’s daughter, but as far as I saw it, it’s who I was. I couldn’t escape it.

I guess I am a victim, I finally concluded.

At this time in my life, I was very much in the world. I didn’t know God, and I certainly wasn’t following Jesus yet. But after living with this identity for close to ten years, I met Jesus, and when I did, He completely rocked my world.

It was then that I began to cry out to Him for an alternative. I needed a new identity. I was tired of being the murder victim’s daughter. I wanted to be someone new. I wanted a new story––one that didn’t end with death and tragedy, but ended with life, hope, joy, and peace. 

I cried out to God, begging Him to allow me to see as He saw. Asking Him to reveal who I am in His eyes. Pleading with Him to take away the reproach that came along with being a victim.

And this was how my journey began.

It wasn’t long after that Jesus called me to forgive Anthony, the man who murdered my dad, and I was given the grace needed to abandon my victim identity in exchange for my new, Gospel identity.

Here’s the truth:

I am not a victim.

I am a child of God.

I am redeemed.

I am chosen, precious in my Father’s sight, and loved beyond measure.

I am healed from my past.

I am forgiven. I am freed to forgive others.

And my past sins, as well as the sins committed against me, bear no penalty upon my present or my future.

Honestly, I was a victim far too long, but it doesn’t have to be that way for the rest of you. [Tweet that] Truly, we are victims only as long as we say we are. [Tweet that] What we need is a mind-shift.

For, maintaining a victim mentality only harms us further, allowing the clouds of yesterday to cast their shadow over our joy today. (Side note: I once read a quote similar to this, yet I don’t have a source to attribute it to. But I just love this word picture, so I had to use it!)

Forgiveness, however, frees us from all this destruction. For the moment we forgive––leaving the offender to the judgement of God––we are set free. [Tweet that]

We are free to live out of our real identity. The one established by God.

You see, you are not a victim. Or at least, “victim” is not your identity. [Tweet that]

The same is true of you as I said of myself if you are a follower of Christ.

In Christ, you are a child of God.

You are redeemed.

You are chosen, precious in your Father’s sight, and loved beyond measure.

You are forgiven. And now, you are free to forgive.

Truly, your past sins––and the sins committed against you––have no claim on your present or your future.

This is your true identity.

Allow yourself to believe this. Go there. Believe.

And your life will never be the same.

Do you struggled with being a victim? Do you still need to forgive? How has recognizing your true identity in Christ changed you? Share in the comments.

  • Amen!

  • kgirl87

    It’s hard to see who we really are in the midst of anxiety or struggle, and for that I thank you! Your posts are really eye opening 🙂 God will always love us no matter what! No more victim mindsets!

  • Mark Allman

    I think if we allow ourselves to be viewed as victims it allows us to excuse some of our behavior; that being a victim gives us a pass sometimes.

  • Peggy Locke

    Not a victim, but a victor!

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  • Laurie – amazing and much needed words. So many of us have far less reason to consider ourselves “victims” (I know I have very little reason to call myself a victim.) Yet we are so eager to take on that mantle. I don’t know if it’s for the attention or the pity. But how much more edifying is it to be redeemed?

    • So true, Matt. It is so much more edifying to see ourselves as we truly are! Thanks for joining me here!